I can never feel the way you do
But it still becomes me now
I can't take the way you do
But it's still inside me

I wonder sometimes what it was like for you. If it was worth it. It was worth it for you obviously, it didn't change you. But if what you got was worth what you did to me, objectively. What did you gain from it? I don't suppose you even realise what effect it had. Or maybe you do, you're always giving me those evil, knowing little smirks when you see me. I tried not looking at you, but it didn't help. It feels like you left some kind of little demon inside me, watching my every move.

Synthetic solution
Synthetic, I'll become
Synthetic, if it makes this go away

I tried everything I could think of to get you away from me, I've scrubbed myself raw. I can't seem to stop. My friends all thought I had some crazy obsession with keeping myself clean. I wonder if they'd ever have guessed it's not the outside I want to scrub clean.

Still I waste another day of my life
And it sickens me to feel this way
Now I can't make up my mind, is this right
How I let you get inside of me?

Sometimes I still dream about it. And the memories will invade my head when I'm awake with no warning. I'll be sitting in a meeting, or eating or something, and all of a sudden I can almost feel you pinning me down again. I can hear you snarling your threats in my ear, spitting your contempt at me. Was there anything I could have done? I can't tell you the nights I've spent lying awake trying to work that out. One of the worst things is the guilt. It had to be my fault. Because I must have invited it, because I could have fought harder and worst of all, because in the end I stopped fighting. All it took was a couple of little threats about ending my brother's dreams and I was as meek as a puppy. I just closed my eyes and willed it to be over.

Twist my words the way that you do
'Cause it falls on deaf ears now
Still, I've learned to numb your views
But they're still inside me

And then you fucking bragged about it. You bragged. I can't believe you did that! Of course, nobody would have believed me after that if I'd told them the truth, that I tried to get away, that I begged you to stop. I knew I didn't want it. I knew I was no slut. But I was the only person who thought that. The entire locker room was thoroughly convinced by your lies, I even saw my own brother looking at me and wondering. The one reason I eventually gave in to you, and he didn't respect me anymore. And on top of all that, there's this little voice inside me, that demon you left behind deep in my soul whispering that it's all true, that I deserved it, that I'm a whore.

Synthetic solution
Synthetic, I'll become
Synthetic, if it makes this go away

You know what I hated most about all this? The helplessness. That you made me feel so weak, so inferior. I felt sub-human, worthless. What could I do to change that? I tried everything I could think of. I muscled up, tried to become strong physically. I worked to expand my mind, to make the most of my intelligence, be worthwhile for my mind. I slaved at my craft, trying to learn as much as I could as quickly and as well as I could, to make myself valuable for my wrestling ability. None of it made any difference.

Still I waste another day of my life
And it sickens me to feel this way
Now I can't make up my mind, is this right
How I let you get inside of me?

One of the most incredible things about this, to me, is that it corrupted my entire life. It affected my relationships with everyone around me. Especially the most important one, with my brother. I wanted him to tell me none of it was my fault and that I was still every bit as worthwhile to him. And maybe he would have, if I could have told him what really happened. But it's humiliating, frankly. And he might not have believed me anyway.

So instead he heard the rumours being whispered about me in the locker room, about me being easy, about me being cheap. I could see the disappointment in his eyes. He tried to hide it, but I'm not blind. I could see the distaste when I spoke to him. My sacrifice worked for him – look at everything he's achieved. King of the Ring, no less. And what did I get for it? Fuck all, except for my brother's disapproval and my own self-hatred. It was only a matter of time before I couldn't take his silent disgust any longer. When I brought that chair down I was finally free. Free of hope. Hope is just a disease, it makes you vulnerable to every misery life throws at you, because you stupidly believe it could get better. It won't. At least now he openly hates me. I can't tell you how good it feels when he hits me. I'm finally getting what I deserve. And I don't mean the IC strap, either.

I will never follow you...
I will never follow you...
I will never follow you...
I will never follow you...

So I had no hope left. I couldn't sink any lower, and I was grateful for that. All I wanted was to be left alone to despise myself in private. But your fucking stupid son wouldn't listen to that, would he? Kept bleating on that I should be proud of everything I'd done, that I should go to him. Join their team. Maybe another time I would have listened to him and thought about it, but right then I wasn't in the greatest frame of mind. I was seething, furious at myself for what I'd done, at my brother for making me do it, and at you for everything. And he's so much like you. Just as arrogant, smug, patronising and condescending. Fucked if I'll let another one of your stinking family look down their nose at me. And he even looks like you.

All this time I thought I was myself
And I thought I never could become you
All this time I thought I was myself
And I thought I never could become you

He was so damned sure of himself, so sure he was all-powerful, so secure. God, I hated him for that. How the fuck did he deserve to feel powerful? To feel safe? He didn't for long, I made sure of that. I took everything from him. I looked down at him when I was done and I wondered if that was what I'd looked like to you. Did I look that pathetic and broken? I suppose I did, I was pathetic and broken back then. But not anymore.

Wrong

He hasn't said a word to anyone. He couldn't. He's too embarrassed for one thing, too sure it must be his fault. The same as I was. And besides that, I told him what would happen to his sweet, soft sister if he did. Although I'm beginning to think I might do her anyway. In some ways, she's more like you than he is. Maybe I will change sides after all. With your son as my bitch, I'll get every opportunity in this business I could ask for.

Still I waste another day of my life
And it sickens me to feel this way
Now I can't make up my mind, is it right
How I let you get inside of me?

I'll conquer you in business - I'll make it to the top despite what you thought of me, what everyone thought of me. And then I'll just conquer you. Taking your son was sweet, and I'm sure your daughter will be positively luscious, but I'm quite certain taking my own dignity back from you will be incomparable. I'll give you back this demon and leave you with one of my own.

I have become synthetic