"Why the hell do I let you talk me into these things?" Jeff whispered furiously, doing his best to keep his voice low despite his anger.

"Because you love me?" Matt ventured with a charming smile, which could barely be made out in the near-darkness.

"And if we get caught, I'm the one who'll get the blame, too!" Jeff continued, as if Matt hadn't spoken a word. "It's BOUND to be my fault, wild Jeff Hardy. It couldn't possibly be down to reserved, respectable Matt, oh no..."

"I can't help it if I look innocent and pure..."

"That's absolutely the last time I ever go along with one of your crazy little schemes. We're not teenagers Matt, you should be able to control your hormones for a couple of hours. But oh no, we have to make out right now, right this second. 'C'mon Jeff, crawl under the ring with me, I just wanna kiss you and hold you for a while, nobody'll ever know...'" Jeff mimicked. "We're fucked, Matthew!"

"Well, I don't exactly recall you fighting me off with a shitty stick!" Matt hissed back.

"You know damned well you're my weakness, and you take advantage of it," Jeff stated with venom. "Well, that's IT, no more! No more ridiculous situations like this, you hear me? No contact of any sort unless we're at home or in our own hotel room. We're forever almost getting caught with our tongues down each other's throats, and we've got too much to lose! Although it's most likely too late now, we'll be found here for sure. We're doomed, our careers are over, Dad'll probably disown us, we'll be reviled by the whole entire universe..."

"Jeff, calm down. We won't necessarily get caught. We'll just have to wait and see how things pan out. But we WILL get caught if you don't keep your fucking voice down!"

"Won't ge-" Jeff stopped himself and took a deep breath, reminding himself to whisper. "Won't get caught, Matt?! Um, reality check! We are, in case you hadn't noticed, underneath the ring. This in and of itself isn't too bad, but the show has started. There are people throwing each other around right over our heads, there are ten thousand people watching said ring, and this is fucking televised! We need to get out soon too, we've got a fucking match booked. We may as well have just taken out an advert in a national paper announcing we've been fucking for years! Our lives are over!"

Matt looked sideways at his brother in the sliver of light filtering in from the corner of the ring-curtain. He was flushed with fury, his eyes flashing a deep emerald as they snapped from side to side. "You know, you're damned fucking hot when you're angry..."

"Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear how hot I am! Apparently that's what got us into this fucking mess, you couldn't wait another second to 'taste my soft, sweet lips,' I think that's how you put it. As of right now, I'm officially giving up being sexy! I'm gonna live my life in sweatpants and T-shirts with Dad's face on 'em, maybe that'll put you off."

Unable to suppress his grin, Matt reached out and lightly ran a hand over the strong, firm muscle of his brother's upper thigh, tensed as it was since they were both kneeling. "It makes you look kind of scary..." He almost giggled aloud when Jeff slapped at his hands.

"Get your fucking paws off me! If God intervenes and lets us get out of here without being seen, I'm going into a fucking monastery, and I'm starting my vow of celibacy right now."

Matt shuffled up behind Jeff and whispered hotly in his ear, "I can't help myself, you're irresistible." He skimmed his hand over Jeff's groin, feeling the flesh respond beneath his fingers despite Jeff's best intentions. Rubbing a little harder, he added, "All I have to do is look at you and I need your cock inside me so bad..."

"Matt, what the hell are you doing?!" Jeff spluttered. "Don't you have any comprehension of the trouble we're in?"

"Yeah..." Matt pressed a wet kiss to the sensitive curve of Jeff's neck. "And it's turning me the fuck on..." He fumbled with the button on Jeff's jeans, ignoring the slaps Jeff rained upon his hands.

"Are you out of your fucking tiny mind? This is going to look bad enough as it is, we could do without being caught with our pants literally around our ankles!"

"Don't worry, little brother, I'll only push 'em down to your knees..." Matt mumbled, pulling the zipper down and sliding his other hand up under Jeff's shirt to run over the delectable torso hidden beneath it.

"Matt, there are microphones under here! How in hell's name could we keep quiet enough for them not to pick it up?"

"I don't know if we can, Jeff." Matt pushed his hand inside Jeff's pants, wrapping his fingers around his sibling's rapidly stiffening cock and stroking it slowly, feeling Jeff melt back against him. "Isn't it exciting?"

Knowing he was fighting a losing battle, Jeff scowled at himself when his treacherous body tilted his hips up, pushing his erection into Matt's hand and silently asking for more. "Actually... yeah, it is. I swear, I'll fucking get you for this."

"Just think, we'll watch clips of this later and know we were right here fucking when those clips were shot. We'll be listening to see if we can make out any noise from us..." Matt trailed off and started to nibble on Jeff's ear. "We'll be looking at all those thousands of people knowing that if the ring weren't here, they'd be staring right at me riding your cock."

"Yeah, well, we'd better be quick." Jeff growled, his ardour rising by the second. "Get yourself round here and suck on my cock."

Matt allowed himself a small grin of triumph. "Yes sir, don't have to tell me twice!" On his hands and knees, he crawled round in front of his brother and knocked him onto his back, hovering over him with a devilish smile. He lowered his head and devoured Jeff's lips hungrily, pushing his tongue into his mouth and kissing him deeply while he eased Jeff's pants down over his thighs.

Pulling back, Matt pressed a sweet kiss to Jeff's flushed cheek before scooting down his body to his groin. He looked up, only able to make out Jeff's eyes because of the sparkle of lust in them, as he placed his tongue at the base of his cock and licked slowly up to the tip, teasing at the hole there. He ran his tongue around under the helmet, listening to Jeff suck in a shaking breath.

Incensed as he felt Jeff's hands tangle into his long, curly locks, Matt wet his lips and sank his mouth down over Jeff's cock as far as he could. He heard a tiny whimper, and wondered if it'd make it onto TV via the microphones above them. He could feel droplets of semen sticking to the roof of his mouth, and he hollowed his cheeks against the member filling his mouth before he drew his head back, settling into a steady rhythm.

"Fuck..." Jeff whispered, the breathy word inaudible as the cheers of the crowd reached a crescendo. Having thousands of people around him while Matt blew him was getting him more turned on than he could have imagined, and he used his grip in Matt's hair to make him speed up, his eyes wide as the heat enveloping his cock drove him into a frenzy he had a hard time not vocalising.

Staring straight up, Jeff heard the referee's hand slap the canvas in the three count as he desperately yanked Matt's mouth off him. "If you want that inside you, you'd better fucking stop. As much as I want to shoot down your throat, I wanna cum in your ass more. Get your pants out of my way, Matt."

Matt eagerly scrambled back and hastened to obey the instruction his brother hissed at him, almost breaking off the button on his pants in his hurry. Having successfully dealt with the fastenings he pushed his jeans down to his lower thighs, immediately getting to his hands and knees in mute invitation, having to lean over a ladder to do so in the restricted space. His cock was so hard he felt like he was about to burst, his abdomen sticky with the fluid leaking from his erection.

Struggling to stop his head swimming, Jeff kicked off one boot and released one leg from his pants, then crawled over behind Matt. He noted happily that Matt would be even tighter when he eased into him since he couldn't open his legs. He kept going until he was right over Matt's body, their thighs pressed together and his wet cock resting at the crack between his brother's buttocks.

"I'd like to take my time over this but we really can't, big brother," Jeff whispered, between kisses to Matt's shoulder. Resting his weight on his left hand he brought the right up to Matt's lips, allowing Matt to draw two of his fingers into his mouth. He shuddered, almost able to feel that hot, wet mouth on his cock again as it sucked on his fingers and Matt's nimble tongue danced over them. He pulled them away quickly, eager to move on.

Jeff nudged his cock out of the way, pushing the tips of his fingers between the crack of Matt's ass and brushing one over his entrance. He grinned when Matt moaned quietly and pushed back against him, breathing at him, "God, you really can't wait, can you?"

"No I can't, so just fucking do it already!" Matt ground out, but almost yelled at the end of the sentence when Jeff pushed a finger into him up to the second knuckle. Biting hard on his bottom lip to keep himself quiet, he pushed back and felt the rest of the finger sink in, the Dudley Boyz entrance music sounding to him as though it were a million miles away.

"This what you wanted, baby?" Jeff asked, pulling the finger back immediately before plunging it back in, not exactly displaying a huge amount of gentleness. Matt felt his stomach flip at the rough treatment and fought the urge to just throw his head back and scream.

"Mmmm hmmm... yeah, that's what I wanted... fuck..." It took every ounce of Matt's concentration to control his voicebox, the rest of his body working on pure instinct. "No time... more..."

"Oh, you got it!" Jeff pressed a second finger in and Matt had to bite back a wail as they invaded him as deeply as they could. After all their years together Jeff knew precisely how to push Matt's buttons, and that expertise combined with the insanely hot knowledge that they were about to fuck beneath the ring at a live edition of Raw was enough to drive Matt to desperation a lot quicker than Jeff could have foreseen.

Barely able to hear his own ragged breathing over the flurry of bumps which were obviously being taken over their heads, to judge from the smacks to the canvas, Matt couldn't stand any more. He was grateful when he felt Jeff withdraw his fingers, and the head of his thick cock pushing at his entrance.

"Turn your head, sweetheart," Jeff whispered, and when Matt complied he found his lips caught up in a passionate kiss. Jeff's tongue slid into his mouth just as his cock began to sink into Matt's ass on one long, slow stroke. Setting his knees comfortably on either side of Matt's, Jeff knelt back onto Matt's heels, wrapping an arm around Matt's waist and taking his brother with him.

His torso now completely vertical, Matt settled his weight onto Jeff's lap, savouring the deep penetration for a moment as both their throats vibrated with quiet moans they tried to suppress. Jeff always felt huge inside of him, and for very good reason, but he felt thicker still with Matt's legs trapped together the way they were.

Breaking the kiss, Matt raised his weight a little, pulling himself off Jeff's cock a little way. He groaned contentedly when Jeff took the invitation and eased back up into him, one hand finding Matt's cock, which by this time was begging for attention. When Jeff started stroking it in time with his deep thrusts, Matt almost lost control of his body for a second.

"Jesus fucking Christ on a crutch..." His head fell back onto Jeff's shoulder.

"Bad language and blasphemy all in one go, I think someone will have to be punished later..."

Matt's mind raced with the possibilities that thought produced, and he shuddered as images of the last time Jeff had 'punished' him flooded his head. "Fuck... I want more, Jeff..."

"Me too... you're so fucking tight, Matt. Especially like this," Jeff panted as he granted Matt's request, thrusting harder into his brother's ass and hearing Matt give a little yelp of pleasure.

"Tight?" Matt questioned, and clenched his ass around Jeff's cock, his breath catching in his throat when Jeff responded by pushing him forward again onto his hands and pounding into him harder and faster still. He was beginning to feel he'd died and gone to heaven, and his orgasm was building when they both heard the unmistakable voice of the man with the best set of lungs in the Federation.

"D'Von!"

They slowed a fraction as they silently offered up a prayer for intervention, which appeared to go unheeded.

"Get the tables!"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me..." Jeff muttered furiously, starting to pull out of his brother.

"Don't you fucking dare!" Matt snapped in a frantic whisper, reaching over his head to grab a handful of Jeff's hair which he pulled down on, yanking Jeff's body down over his, effectively capturing him. "No fucking way are you stopping now. C'mon Jeff, you know I love having your cock up inside my ass. I can take it, fuck me harder... fuck me, little brother..."

He tightened his muscles again and heard Jeff gasp at the friction and his heated words, abandoning his control and rutting desperately into Matt's ass.

There was a sudden burst of light and they were confronted by the face of a very startled D'Von, who immediately withdrew and dropped the ring-curtain again, plunging them once more into darkness. There was no doubt he had seen exactly what was happening, and the rush of eroticism Matt felt combined with the intense state of physical arousal he was already in was too much for him.

Pulling harder on Jeff's hair and hearing Jeff inhale sharply in pain, Matt submitted to the sensation and allowed his orgasm to overtake him, arching his back and biting down into his lip. His cock throbbed in his brother's hand before the first spurt of cum shot over the ladder beneath him, his body stiffening and his internal muscles clenching harder still.

For Jeff it was a blur, the shock of seeing D'Von had thrown him a little and he was unprepared for his brother's climax. Feeling Matt cum took him by surprise and he quickly lost the battle not to release. With a snarl he tried to muffle against Matt's back, he gripped Matt's hip and slammed forward into his ass as hard as he could, making sure he was as deep inside his brother's spasming hole as he could get before releasing his seed into Matt's body.

Light swept beneath the ring again, and looking up the brothers saw that D'Von had pulled the ring apron up only as far as absolutely necessary for him to see where the table was before reaching in to grab it. As the table slid out and into D'Von's hands, Matt struggled not to laugh when he recalled the look on D'Von's face.

Jeff pressed a loving kiss to Matt's sweaty back before gently easing himself out of his brother, collapsing on his back as he tried to regain his breath. "You make me do some fucking insane shit, Matthew."

Turning to sit down and flinching when he discovered how cold the concrete was on his bare ass, Matt grinned in response. "I don't MAKE you do it. You have free will Jeff, you could say no to me."

Jeff stared at his brother in disbelief. "Excuse me? Have you looked in the mirror lately? No, I can't say no to you."

"Yeah, but don't I make your life interesting?" Matt queried, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on Jeff's lips and moaning lightly when Jeff caught the back of his head and deepened it.

"That's certainly one word for it," Jeff replied when they broke apart, running his fingertips down over his brother's cheekbone and the side of his face. "I hope you know how much I love you."

"I think I do." Matt turned his head and kissed Jeff's fingertips. "I think it's about as much as I love you."

There was a loud crunch above them and the ring shook with the impact as somebody obviously got a taste of Dudley wood, pulling the lovers back to reality while the crowd released a deafening roar.

"I also think we'd better get ourselves sorted out," Matt added with a rueful smile, pulling his pants back up before helping Jeff locate his missing boot in the dark.

Once they were fully clothed again they laid their plans to extricate themselves from the highly awkward position they were in. They both offered silent thanks up to heaven for the birth of the person who would go on to design Kane's entrance, eventually slipping out from beneath the ring in the dark before his pyros went off. They quickly made their way backstage alongside the rampway and hoped everyone had been too distracted by Kane to notice them. At least they knew their escape wouldn't be on TV.

The next evening, Jeff sauntered into the locker room to find RVD looking over a tape of the ladder match he and Rhyno had fought against the Hardys on Raw. Among the various wrestlers sprawled around the room were D'Von, drinking orange juice and looking incredibly interested in the magazine he was reading (or at least, he didn't look up at all when Jeff offered a warm greeting to the room at large), and Buh Buh, who was busily enlisting everyone's help to solve a crossword puzzle he'd apparently been working on all day.

Jeff had been relieved to find upon going over the show that D'Von had done a very impressive job of hiding his shock, appearing only to do his usual routine of pulling up the ring apron and then looking around to the crowd before pulling out the table. There were a couple of places where he wasn't sure if he could make out a moan or the sound of flesh slapping together, but he figured if he was uncertain and he was listening for it, nobody else would have noticed. He considered himself very lucky to have escaped the predicament he and Matt had managed to get themselves into, and had resolved to be far more circumspect in future. Getting into something that risky again would just be tempting fate.

"Hey Rob, busy lookin' at yourself again?" he enquired, accompanying his words with a friendly slap to the shoulder.

Rob turned to him with a smile. "Yeah, you know how I am with beautiful things." He fell silent as he watched himself perform a spotless tumbling senton, then let out a heavy sigh. "Enough to break any woman's heart."

"Mythical nocturnal parasite, seven letters, fourth letter is a P," Buh Buh offered to the assembled group.

"Vampire," Rob stated, before returning his attention to Jeff. "Hey man, I meant to ask you if you'd hurt your hand. Not that you've shown any real signs of it, I just wondered because of the way you dropped that ladder. It's not like you to do something like that unless you're hurt. You okay?"

Jeff smiled as he remembered the spot in question, hoping Rob would read it as thankfulness for his concern. "Yeah, I'm fine. It just slipped, like... I dunno, it felt like it was wet or something. Lord only knows how though, it'd only been under the ring." He worked carefully to keep his expression in check when he heard D'Von choke on his orange juice.

"Well, so long as you're okay." Rob turned back to the arduous task of counting the many facets of his beauty.

"Improper relations with a member of one's own family, six letters, starts with an I," Buh Buh called.

"Incest," Matt said as he breezed into the room, before politely enquiring of D'Von whether he was okay when he started to choke for the second time. A highly embarrassed D'Von said he was fine and that his juice had just gone down the wrong way.

Matt nodded understandingly. "Isn't it terrible when things go down the wrong way? Fortunately, Jeff and I don't seem to have too much trouble with that."

Squeaking a little, D'Von asserted that maybe some fresh air would help him get his breath back and quickly excused himself.

"Jeff and I really enjoyed ourselves during your match yesterday," Matt called innocently after the retreating D'Von. "A real slobberknocker, as JR would say."

D'Von threw strangled thanks over his shoulder without stopping.

"Jeff, we've got to see the writers about tonight's match." Matt casually held the door open for his brother.

"Oh, alright. Catch you later Rob." Jeff strolled through the door with Matt, the two of them walking along the corridor in companionable silence for a while before Jeff spoke.

"So, do you know what the writers have planned for us?"

"Actually, they didn't want to see us at all."

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not going to like this?"

"I just thought that maybe you'd join me in the restroom for a quick kiss."

"You're fucking insane if you think -"

"Just a quick kiss Jeff, nothing else."

"I'm not fooled."

"It's just that you're so beautiful, it kills me to look at you and not be able to kiss you. I love you, Jeff, and I miss cuddling with you when we're not alone. All I want to do is hold you in my arms for a few minutes, breathe in your scent, run my fingers through your hair... all the stuff normal couples can do in public. I miss it. Don't you miss being close with me?"

"Well... yeah, but -"

"I love you Jeff. All I want is a quick kiss from the man I love to make the working day easier to bear. Is that so much to ask?"

"I really want to strangle you sometimes Matt, do you know that?"

"Please?"

Jeff let out a heavy sigh. "Dammit, I KNOW I'm going to regret this later..."