"I don't fucking believe this!"

"Hey, don't shout at me; it's not my fault. I didn't tell him to go do that, you did."

"Yeah, but I didn't actually think he would do it. I mean, look at him..." Adam trailed off, pointing a finger at Jeff.

"When Matt gets down he's going to chop your nuts off with a rusty spoon."

"You're not fucking helping y'know."

"I know," Jay answered smugly, craning his neck to get a better look. "But I'm right."

"I know you're bloody right!"

"You should stop hanging round with Regal Adam, he's starting to affect your speech. And with you being Canadian, you'll get the piss taken out of you more."

"Fuck off."

"Yes honey," Jay smiled, turning to leave.

"Nice try smartass," Adam said annoyed, grabbing Jay by the arm and holding him in place. "If you think for one minute that I'm facing Matt Hardy by myself then you're more stupid than I thought."

"But babe, I thought you were the super tough Edge. I didn't think anything could scare you." Jay rolled his eyes when Adam scowled. "Besides, what good am I going to be when Hardy Sr gets his hands on you?"

"You can call the police."

"Fuck that. If I'm going to be doing anything, I'll be laughing at you. "

"Yeah, and that's why I fell in love with you, your insane need to protect me."

"I do my best," Jay smiled. "And like I said before Adam, it's your own fault. You knew Jeff would do that if you dared him to."

"I did not!"

"Yes you did. You always do. You knew Matt would jump out of that window with nothing on and you knew Jeff would do this. Your problem is that you never think of the consequences these stupid dares will cause."

"Hey, look, that whole window episode happened cause Matt was wasted, it had nothing to do with me."

"Sure it didn't." Jay said unenthusiastically. "It wasn't you who insisted we get drunk. And it wasn't you who opened the window in the first place and started singing Jingle Bollocks because Regal taught you how to. And it certainly wasn't you who thought it would be a good idea to strip down and start mooning the people in the street."

"Why must you insist on nitpicking everything I ever do?"

"Because you do them honey."

"Bitch."

"Thank you." Jay grinned.

"Do you really think Matt'll fly off the handle when he gets down?" Adam asked worriedly, taking a glance up at the brothers Hardy before lowering his gaze and looking at the steadily growing crowd.

"Oh I think he'll do more than fly off the handle," Jay said seriously, only barely keeping a tight rein on his urge to smile. "I think if you're lucky, you'll get away with being able to wrestle in two weeks. If not, I'll probably be bringing you flowers and burgers to eat through your straw while you're in hospital."

"You're really fucking enjoying this, aren't you?!"

"Of course I am. It's not that often we get to see either Matt or Jeff and the first chance we do get, you go and do something like this," Jay waved a hand in Jeff's direction. "I'm enjoying myself immensely."

"If he hurts me, I won't be able to make love to you, y'know," Adam huffed.

"Don't give me that 'make love' shit Adam. I've been your boyfriend for over ten years now and the only time we 'make love' is when you're wasted and you think the whole world is made of pot and brownies. We fuck, screw, do it, hump like a couple of bitches in heat, shag, as Regal so eloquently puts it or make with the nasty. We never 'make love'."

"You're a bastard, do you know that?"

"Of course I do. But you knew that the first time I fucked you till your eyes crossed."

"Wanker."

"What?" Jay asked instantly confused.

"Wanker," Adam repeated, allowing himself a small grin of victory at Jay's obliviousness.

"And that means...?"

"It means you're a wanker. Nuff said."

"Okay, from now on you're not allowed to talk to Regal when you're drunk, it's doing you no good and it gives me a headache."

"I didn't get that from Regal, I got it from the net. And Angel of course."

"Angel?"

"The TV series Jay. God! Do you even watch TV anymore?"

"No. You've always got a death grip on the remote control."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do. If I ever move out, I'm taking that thing with me. You'd be well and truly screwed without it."

"I would fucking not."

"No? Then tell me Adam, how do you change the cable channels without the remote control?"

"..."

"Thought so."

"Bastard."

"Dork."

"Fuckwit. "

"Carpet muncher."

"Now who's been listening to Regal?" Adam asked with raised eyebrows. "And I wouldn't go down on a woman if your life was on the line."

"Yes you would."

"I would fucking not."

"Don't lie to me Adam." Jay said calmly, folding his arms and shifting his weight onto his other foot. He looked up to see how far the firemen had gotten before turning back to Adam. "He's still going to kill you when he gets down. I can hear him screaming at you from here."

"Me too. And Jeff's started to cry now." Adam said, looking up and nibbling at his fingers nervously.

"Yeah, he has. And it'll make for an interesting scene when he gets down too."

"How so?"

"Well there's lots of wrestling fans down here now and Jeff's up there crying."

Adam blinked. Then smiled.

"Ah, but that means Matt won't do anything to me, there's too many witnesses."

"There was a whole locker room full of witnesses but that didn't stop him from spearing you when you cut the calves off all his pants and said he'd had a growth spurt."

"Yeah, but that was funny!" Adam chuckled, remembering the incident in question.

"And witnesses didn't stop him from trying to strangle you when you told Jeff there was an axe murderer running around New Orleans, specifically killing people in hotel rooms, when you knew fine well Jeff was in his room alone."

"But there WAS an axe murderer running around New Orleans!"

"Yeah, over fifty years ago."

"But that was Jeff's own fault for being so gullible."

"And your fault because you just can't help yourself."

"Well... yeah... but you have to admit, the look on Jeff's face when I turned up with that axe was worth it."

"Was the black eye you got from Matt worth it?"

"Every painful squint."

Jay rolled his eyes and shook his head. Craning his neck again, he looked up at Matt and Jeff and watched the firefighters assist his friends for a few minutes. "Y'know, that fireman untying Jeff is quite hot."

"Don't start."

"What?" Jay asked innocently.

"You know fine fucking well what," Adam glowered. "We did the whole roleplaying thing. It didn't work."

"It did work Adam, you just didn't like it cause you got the short end of the deal. It wasn't my fault you had to be the damsel. It was your idea to do something in 13th century English, I wanted to go for straight S&M, but you wanted to be 'adventurous'."

"Yeah, but when I asked you to stab me with your sword, I didn't mean literally."

"Oh shut up you big baby. It only grazed you."

"Grazed me?!" Adam cried incredulously, already unbuttoning his jeans and turning his back towards Jay. "Does this like a fucking graze to you?!"

Jay rolled his eyes at the tiny scar that was on display.

"Well? Does it?!"

"Put your ass away Adam. I may like it but that doesn't mean everyone else does."

"Screw you." Adam replied, straightening his pants.

"Later honey. Promise."

Tilting his head up again, Jay smiled. "They've worked him free."

"It's about soddin' time." Adam moaned. "We've been here for ages."

Jay looked at him, his eyes wide. "How the hell have you got the nerve to complain about being here for ages when it was you that put Jeff up there in the first place?! And would you stop quoting Regal!"

"I'm not quoting Regal, that was Spike. And I didn't put Jeff up there. I never touched him."

"Spike?" Jay asked confused. "As in Spike Dudley? I didn't know he knew any British words."

"No, not Spike Dudley," Adam said, disgustedly. "Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer."

"Wait, is Spike the one you get a hard on for?"

"I don't get a hard on for him."

"Please. You nearly put my eye out with that thing when I was using your lap for a pillow and that program started."

"Well it's not my fault I'm attracted to rough British accents."

Jay snickered. "Ah! So that's why you hang around with Regal so much! You're hard for the British men."

"Fuck off. I have no interest in Regal and you know it."

"No, you just like rough British accents."

"James Marsters isn't even British, he's American, so just shut up."

"Who's James Marsters?"

"God, Jay, you're SO ignorant sometimes," Adam said, exasperated. "James Marsters is the actor that plays Spike. The one you think I'm so hung over on."

"That's cause you are. And that one who plays the other vampire."

"Yeah, because that narrows it down. The show's called Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which means there's every chance that there will be more than one vampire on it."

"Maybe so, but you know who I'm talking about, don't you?" Jay said, amused. "C'mon, what's his name?"

"Angel," Adam muttered.

Jay grinned widely. "You're so predictable Adam, it's almost painful."

"I'm not fucking predictable."

"Yes you are. I can guarantee that whenever either of those shows come on, you're sat in front of the TV like a fourteen year old fangirl just waiting for one of them to growl so you can come in your pants."

"Fuck off."

"Gladly," Jay grinned. "But if I were you, I'd be begging me to stay, considering they're bringing both Matt and Jeff down off that platform thing right now. And Jeff's still crying."

Adam whipped his head round and groaned loudly when he saw that they were indeed bringing both Hardys down and Jeff was definitely still crying.

"COPELAND! You lanky streak of piss! Get your fucking ass over here right now!" Matt hollered, while helping Jeff down off the small carry cage the firefighters used.

"I think he wants a word with you sweetheart," Jay smiled.

"Fuck that. I told you I wasn't going anywhere near him."

"But your best friend wants to talk to you," Jay encouraged, barely able to keep his laughter in.

"And your boyfriend will end up being fined if he has another fight with his so-called best friend."

"Well, you will make stupid dares."

"It was a perfectly fine dare! How the hell was I supposed to know Jeff would get vertigo up there? He jumps off ladders every other week in the ring, I thought one simple bungie jump would be a walk in the park for him!"

"Well it obviously wasn't and now Matt's pissed at you."

"Yeah, I can tell from the way he keeps shouting that he's going to kill me," Adam said, giving Jay a 'well duh!' look. "Only, it doesn't look so intimidating when he tries to stop Jeff from crying in between shouts."

"Yeah, well, my advice would be for you to not mention that when he gets close enough. Standing up there with Jeff for over three hours probably hasn't put him in the best of moods..."

"I'll fucking KILL you, you blond headed waste of good fucking OXYGEN!"

"Evidently." Adam said, glaring at Jay who couldn't stop grinning.

"Hey, there's no point in looking at me like that. You've got no-one to blame but yourself. You just want to hope that Jeff doesn't have to go to hospital."

"He won't have to go to hospital, he was only up there for a little while."

"He was up there for over three hours. And he threw up everywhere."

"Yeah, "Adam agreed thoughtfully. "I wasn't expecting that."

"I don't think he was either."

"But it was funny to watch. "

"Somehow, I don't think Matt would agree with you."

"Yeah, well, Matt needs to lighten up a bit. He'll end up giving himself an ulcer."

"Uh, Adam honey..."

"What?"

"Run."

Adam blinked, before turning around in time to see an irate Matt Hardy making a beeline for him through the thick crowd of people.

"If you run now babe, you might get a good head start."

Adam barely heard a word Jay said, he was already making his way through the horde.

"Don't bother running you dopey fuck!" Matt screamed, half dragging, half carrying Jeff towards Jay after making absolutely certain he didn't need to go to the hospital.

Adam obviously ignored him.

"Look after him," Matt grunted at Jay, dumping Jeff on him and running after Adam, shouting obscenities all the way.

Taking Jeff's weight, Jay watched the retreating form of Matt's strong back before heading towards his rental car. Fighting off concerned fans and passers by, he explained that once Hardy Jr could sit down, he would be fine. Reaching the car, he bundled Jeff inside and closed the door, running around to the other side he climbed in himself and started the engine. Waiting until the fans got the hint and moved, Jay put the car in gear and drove three blocks down the road before stopping.

Leaning over to the glove compartment, Jay reached inside and pulled out a Pearl Jam tape Jeff had stuffed in there earlier. Putting it in the deck, he pressed play and turned the volume up to an unacceptable decibel. Straightening back up, he shoved his hand inside his pocket and grabbed his wallet. Pulling it out, he turned to Jeff who was bopping his head in time to the music, looking the picture of health.

"So how much was it? Fifty?"

"Seventy-five. I deserve extra for the tears and projectile vomit. I should get more for hitting that guy square on the head, I don't think I could do that again if I tried. But just for the look on Adam's face, seventy-five will be more than enough." Jeff grinned widely.

Smiling, Jay handed the money over, cranked the stereo up a few more notches then put the car in gear and headed back to the hotel.

They passed Adam and Matt on the way.

Adam looked a little worse for wear.