"Jeff? Jeff?" Matt was beginning to become unnerved by his brother's intense stare. "JEFF!!!"

"Huh?" Jeff yelped with a start, spilling his coffee over his hand. He didn't seem to notice the scalding hot liquid at all. He plastered a friendly, charming but obviously false smile on his face and enquired, "What was the question?"

"No question, I was telling you that our flight's been delayed," Matt explained with some annoyance as Jeff set the coffee down, "so we're going to have to find some way to entertain ourselves here for a couple of hours." He felt a shiver of fear as he imagined he saw a giggling insanity behind Jeff's eyes, but as quickly as the feeling came over him, it was gone again. He saw nothing but weary, open friendliness in Jeff's face.

"I think I might just catch some sleep here," Jeff told him, turning away and scrunching himself up into his seat, pulling his legs up underneath him. A busy airport was not the best place to try to nap, but that had never bothered Jeff, who seemed to be sleeping more and more lately.

Matt watched his brother curl up and felt a surge of love, which he instantly quelled. He'd been aware for some time that his feelings for Jeff weren't always as innocent as they really should be, but with some effort he managed to keep those emotions under control. It couldn't happen, and that was that, so he simply pushed his desires away and concentrated on maintaining the brotherly closeness they'd always had. A lot of the time, he actually made himself forget he'd ever thought of Jeff as anything but a brother. It would be damn near impossible to deal with seeing him every day otherwise.

He'd worried about Jeff recently though. He'd definitely changed. It had been a little at a time, so it took him a while to notice, but by now it was unmistakable. He was always clean and tidy but he rarely bothered about making himself pretty the way he used to. Not that he needed to try, Matt thought. He didn't smile as often, and it wasn't as genuine when he did. On those occasions when it was genuine, there was something strangely sinister about it. Bizarrely, he was now usually on time, but only because he appeared to be drifting through life on autopilot, not caring enough about anything to get distracted. There were a million little changes, which all added up to something Matt couldn't put his finger on, but that he knew made him very uncomfortable.

Jeff had also taken to thinking about some very strange things. One incident that stood out in Matt's mind was the time Jeff had asked him if he'd ever read any Jerome K Jerome. Matt hadn't.

"His books are still real relevant, even though they were written over a hundred years ago," Jeff told him.

Matt couldn't see why Jeff was telling him this, and said so.

"I was reading 'Second Thoughts Of An Idle Fellow' the other day," Jeff began, "and there was this piece where he was talking about what grown-ups used to tell him about heaven when he was a kid. He said they gave him the impression that if he sat still and was very quiet, when he died he'd go to a place where he had to sit still and be very quiet forever. So he resolved to be as naughty as he possibly could, so he'd never have to go there."

Matt had cracked a smile at this. "Yeah, people do make heaven look real unappealing to kids."

"So you don't think you have to sit still and be very quiet?"

Matt blinked. "Of course not."

"You think you get to do whatever you want?"

"Basically, yeah."

Jeff chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. "Don't they say, though, that the people God is most proud of are not the ones who are never tempted? Don't they say the achievement is to be tempted and to resist?"

"Ye-es..." Matt screwed up his face in concentration, a little confused as to where Jeff was going with this. Then his expression cleared and he grinned. "Oh, I get it. So what you're saying is heaven must be full of people running in church and blowing raspberries on cats' bellies while they're asleep, that sort of thing?"

"What I'm saying is, if you have the urge to stab people to death and you don't, does that mean you can go to heaven and cut people up all you want? If Hitler had behaved while he was down here, but still thought the same, would he be up there now merrily gassing away?"

Matt had absolutely no reply to this.

Another disconcerting thing was the change to Jeff's sense of humour. He'd always been noted for his sunny disposition and love of life, but now when he laughed it was a dry, dead sound, and somehow ugly. There had only been one time Jeff had laughed uproariously in weeks, and it was almost worse than Jeff not laughing at all.

The two of them had been killing time between shows with Adam, Jay and Chris and had gotten into a competition to see who could freak the others out the most. Adam had started to tell the true story of Fritz Haarmann, who had been nicknamed the Butcher of Hanover and the Hanover Vampire. He told the group how Haarmann and his accomplice, Hans Grans, had slaughtered young men, going into especially grisly detail about how Haarmann was known to eat their flesh.

Adam informed them that a third person who was never identified helped get rid of the bodies, and explained how Haarmann sold his victims' effects in his shop. He told them that Haarmann also sold prime cuts from the bodies to unsuspecting customers. This was where Jeff started to snicker.

After trying unsuccessfully for five minutes to stem his giggling fit, Jeff eventually gave up and just fell around laughing, guffawing so hard Matt was afraid he'd burst a blood vessel. He laughed like this for twenty minutes, sometimes seeming to calm down before being struck anew by whatever he considered to be the hilarity of the story, while the others merely watched in astonishment. As he finally wound down Matt asked him what was so funny.

In between his gasps for breath, Jeff explained that in his mind's eye, he could see some poor, innocent guy, who had at one time purchased meat from Haarmann's shop, sitting down to breakfast one morning before work. He could see him opening up his morning paper on the day the story broke, reading the gory details. Chances were, the meat he'd bought was something perfectly normal, but every day for the rest of his life he'd ask himself if he'd actually eaten human flesh. And he'd never know the truth.

Needless to say, everyone but Jeff failed to see the humour of the situation. It was unanimously agreed that Jeff had won the competition, despite Jeff's protestations that he hadn't even told his story yet.

Something had definitely made Jeff very cynical and bitter, and Matt was fairly sure he'd fallen into a clinical depression. He'd gently questioned Jeff as to what was wrong, but Jeff either deflected his questions completely or told him that everything was fine, though it quite clearly wasn't. And every time Matt tried to find out what the problem was, he got the distinct impression that Jeff thought that was funny too.

With a sigh, he settled down to sleep himself, trying not to worry too much about his beloved baby brother.

Jeff heard Matt's melancholy exhalation and fought to stop himself from leaping on him and planting kisses everywhere he could reach. He couldn't look at his brother for fear he'd lose his control altogether. Part of him hated feeling this way - apart from the other considerations, he was getting really paranoid, continually thinking that their friends could see what he wanted - but part of him never wanted to feel anything else.

Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was Matt's face. That beautiful face, with those high cheekbones, those dark brows, those eyes that were more whirling pools of molten chocolate, and that devilish smile. He wanted desperately to kiss along those cheekbones, over the temples, over the eyelids. And he didn't dare think about Matt's lips when he was in public for fear he'd embarrass himself.

Those full, soft lips. Jeff could just see them smeared with his pre-cum, the velvety tongue darting out to lick at the head of his cock before those lips slid down over his length as Matt began to suck on him...

If Matt couldn't hear him grinding his teeth, Jeff would be very surprised.

Sometimes Jeff was scared of the way he felt about Matt. He knew that it wasn't right. He knew that their father would disown him if he found out. He knew that their friends would never speak to him again. He knew that the world at large would probably beat the living daylights out of him. But really, the reason he was scared was because he knew Matt would be disgusted, and he couldn't face his brother's contempt.

The problem was, it was driving him mad. And while Jeff had always thought 'driving me mad' was a silly phrase, he was beginning to wonder if it was really happening, literally. He was aware that he'd never been the most emotionally stable person in the world, and from how different his reactions to things were from everyone else's he could tell he wasn't seeing things quite the same way they were. How differently did you have to see the world before you were officially insane? Or maybe just wanting to bury yourself to the hilt in your brother qualified you automatically.

It hadn't been too bad at first, once he'd gotten over the initial shock. He'd put a happy face on everything, convinced that if he acted happy he'd eventually start to feel it, and nobody would ever know. Over time though, it had become more and more difficult, and the strain of living with his twisted desires had gradually taken its toll. He'd barely be able to raise a smile now if you told him Amy had been shot, though if she was it was quite likely him who'd shot her. She seemed to take entirely too much pleasure from her on-screen relationship with Matt, and Jeff ardently hated her for it.

One result of Matt's face haunting him when he closed his eyes was that he'd barely slept at all in weeks, if not months, and Jeff knew that wasn't good for your mental health. He'd taken to pretending to sleep though, reasoning that if people couldn't look into his eyes, they couldn't read his desire to fuck his own brother. Thinking that particular phrase, he felt the pit of his stomach drop, and he couldn't suppress the shudder that slid down his spine, feeling goosebumps rise on his arms.

Jeff sat very still and continued to feign sleep, hoping that Matt hadn't noticed, knowing that he was in no condition to talk to him right now. After a moment, he felt Matt draping his own coat over Jeff, obviously thinking Jeff was shivering from cold and immediately taking it upon himself to look after his little brother's comfort. God, did he have to be so damned wonderful? If he could just be a complete bastard from time to time, maybe Jeff wouldn't want to spend every waking moment showering him with kisses.

Jeff tried desperately to think of anything but how much he adored and wanted his brother, eventually giving in and allowing his mind to fill with images of them making love, kissing tenderly and just completing domestic chores together. As he wallowed in his misery at Matt being so close and yet forever out of reach, he heard Matt's phone ring. Still not daring to look up, he listened to Matt's half of the conversation.

"Hello? Oh, hi!"

Matt sounded far too pleased to hear from whoever it was for Jeff's liking.

"Well, right now we're at the airport waiting for a flight home... yeah, we're back Monday for Raw... you kiss your mother with that mouth? We're kind of a package deal - you know, love me, love my brother..."

Jeff stiffened. Far too pleased. And he didn't like hearing Matt even mention the word love to anybody else.

"I don't know... sounds kinda like a dirty weekend to me..."

Jeff did his best to remain silent and still despite his desire to smash the phone into a thousand tiny pieces.

"Uh... yeah, okay! Why the hell not? Look, can we talk about this Monday? Jeff was shivering a little while ago and I'm a bit concerned he might be coming down with something... okay. See you next week... Bye!"

Jeff felt Matt's hand on his forehead and managed to keep from slapping him away and telling him never to come within ten feet of him again. Deep down he knew it was ridiculous, because there'd never been anything between him and Matt and there never could be, but he couldn't help feeling betrayed. Then, in a sudden moment of clarity, he knew what he had to do.

When he and Matt had bought a house together - which seemed a little odd now that he came to think about it, two grown up brothers buying a house together - he'd allowed Matt to choose it, and he'd regretted it ever since. He absolutely hated living in the middle of nowhere. He liked plenty of nearby facilities, and he definitely liked plenty of nearby people. Now though, he was glad for the lack of neighbours.